Hi! Me, again! Happy Valentine's Day weekend! I thought by the time I wrote to you next it might be spring or at least feel like spring might, someday, be coming. Unfortunately, that's not been the case here in Pittsburgh. We have several fat sparrows (good winter planning) hopping through the snow on our terrace to get to their seed. The flakes have been falling plump and steady all day. Every time the sun shines long enough to melt what we have, Mother Nature brings us more. This is a picture of how the view usually looks and how it looked today.
But that's not why I'm writing. I'm writing because I'm one scene away from finishing Just in Time For a Highland, Book One of the Sirens of the Scottish Borderlands series, and wanted to celebrate with you. Enjoy some virtual champagne with me!
I'm not sure why, but the more I watch look at the champagne, the more I want to go back and tweak that last bedroom scene.
Anyhow, there's a certain giddiness for an author when "The End" is in sight. Since people ask me a lot of questions about how long it takes to write a book, I thought I'd share what my typical schedule looks like:
Timeline of a Novel
Month 1 -- Write 80-page proposal. World's greatest love story. Send to agent. Await seven-figure offer.
Month 19 – Accept offer of somewhat less than seven figures. Manuscript due date: Month 33. Imagine home on beach I will be building with the royalties. Last time I will be happy I sold book.
Month 23 – Husband asks, “Aren't you supposed to be writing something?” Remind him I am a successful author at the top of her game and tell him to mind his own business. The proposal was 80 pages, right? That part is done and perfect. The rest will write itself.
Month 24 – Advance arrives. Yes, I've earned it. That proposal was outstanding. The rest of the book will write itself.
Month 25 – Why isn't the rest of the book writing itself?
Month 26 – Ready to write. Re-read proposal. Who the hell are these characters? Who would read a book like this? Who would buy a book like this? My publisher obviously has no grasp on the marketplace. I've made a tragic mistake signing with them. Make note to tell agent to up her game.
Month 27 – Have nearly fixed the chapters covered in the proposal. Now have 66 flawless pages. If the book gets any better, it'll be a short story with a really great preface. Not to worry, the rest of the book will write itself.
Month 28 – Twenty-eight new pages written, no so much with the help of the book but with anger, resentment, despair, and Wavy Lays. Questions to ask myself: Did you cash that advance? Okay, but did you spend it? Will it hurt your reputation to cancel the project? Will it hurt your reputation to release the book?
Month 29 – Sixty-two new pages written. Nothing of interest could possible happen to fill another 240 pages. These characters live empty, two-dimensional lives. If I invited them to a dinner party, I would seat them next to my hard-of-hearing aunt and the neighbor who explains why the Federal Reserve is neither Federal nor a Reserve.
Month 30 – Putting finishing touches on list of potential pen names to release this crap under. Seriously, how drunk would heroine have to be to actually go to bed with this idiot? Hang on. Hero does something unexpected. Whoa. Heroine and I exchange glances. Heroine gently elbows me aside. Hey.
Month 31 – Hero and heroine think they can finish the story without me. Ha! They have no idea the sh&% that's going to rain down on them. Happily ever after? Get your asses out of bed, kids, and work for it! It's not all sunshine and Valentines out there!
Month 32 – Have stopped worry about filling 240 pages and am now terrified will need 600 pages to finish it. Will my publisher will consider a multi-volume set? Agent mimes sound of losing cell coverage. Phone goes to voicemail rest of day.
Month 33 – Book nearly done! Hero and heroine facing darkest moment. I open champagne to celebrate. Has anyone seen the Wavy Lays?
Month 33, last day – Making final changes. Making final, final changes. Making final, final, final changes. Were her eyes green or hazel? Eye color can reasonably change, right? Will my editor even notice? That's not part of developmental editing. What was that f&*king maid's name? She appears in one effing scene. Did I have to give her a name? Oh, God, why don't I use index cards or something? I will for the next book, I swear. Okay, it isn't like my editor will be awake at midnight, so I might as well take another hour. Or two. Or five.
Month 34, Day 1 – Yes, yes, oh, grand pooba editor, the manuscript's a little late, but you and I both know you won't be in the office until at least 10 am. Then you'll be calling all your important authors first, anyway (“Nora, darling! Oh, yes, don't worry. You can count on getting our entire promotional budget that month. We just dump the other stuff out there to make yours look good in comparison.”) You probably won't even open your email until, let's say, 11:15. No, 11:30.
Month 34, Day 1, 11:39 – Hit Send, Gwyn. But what if there's a hugo typo right on the first page? Omigod, did you spell the title right? Double-check title. Title fine. Hit Send. Modify cover note in order to hit the right note of “Oh, this manuscript? You'll love it, of course. And there's plenty more where that came from.” Hit Send, Gwyn. Hit Send. Okay, actually did hit Send. Immediately think of 27 things wrong with novel, at least three of which will make it entirely unmarketable.
Month 37 – Email from editor: “Say, did you ever send me that manuscript?” Email from agent: “Are you writing your next proposal? We're moving some author files to cold storage. Just thought I'd check.” Husband: “Aren't you supposed to be writing something?”
Contest Winner and New Contest!
The winner of a signed copy of Flirting with Forever is Denise Holcomb. Congratulations, Denise! This time I'm giving away a signed copy of A Novel Seduction, enter here. Contest ends February 23.Downton Abbey Survey
Julian Fellowes has certainly given us a wide field from which to choose the man we're hoping will sweep Lady Mary off her feet. Click here. to vote for the man you think she should marry. All I can say is now that Christopher Foyle's son is one of the suitors, how long will it be until DCS Foyle himself wanders into Downton Abbey? (And since I'm sure a Michael Kitchen fangirl, that would be an outstanding development.)If you haven't seen Austenland, I give it a solid thumbs up. Any movie with Bret McKenzie as a suitor is good enough for me. All right, I'm off to warm up for Downton Abbey. Got to get my tweeting thumbs ready for action.
Gwyn
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